{"id":25,"date":"2022-06-06T23:58:34","date_gmt":"2022-06-06T23:58:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/?p=25"},"modified":"2022-08-23T02:31:55","modified_gmt":"2022-08-23T02:31:55","slug":"what-is-avoidant-attachment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/what-is-avoidant-attachment\/","title":{"rendered":"What is Avoidant attachment?\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2><b>What is Avoidant attachment? <\/b><\/h2>\n<p><b>Simply put &#8211; those who avoid building deep connections and emotional closeness in relationships.<\/b><\/p>\n<p>Avoidants have childhood wounds\/traumas in their households.\u00a0 Thus, while they may well manage shallow relationships, they\u00a0<b>unconsciously avoid deep relationships\u00a0<\/b>as such closeness stimulates their past wounds.<\/p>\n<h2><b>7 characteristics of Avoidant attachment<\/b><\/h2>\n<p>1. Having grown up under overprotective parents, he is not good at dealing with strong emotions<br \/>\n2. Having grown up under intrusive parents, he is sensitive to controlling behaviors of his own and yours<br \/>\n3. He is not good at sharing his vulnerability and true feelings<br \/>\n4. He prefers an &#8220;easy&#8221; relationship and selects a partner who he can easily control<br \/>\n5. He is busy focusing on something outside the relationship (e.g., hobby, work)<br \/>\n6. He feels &#8220;suffocated&#8221; and &#8220;smothered&#8221; in intimacy<br \/>\n7. He avoids intimate connections at any costs<\/p>\n<h2><b>5 Types of Avoidants<\/b><\/h2>\n<p>There are 5 types of Avoidants.\u00a0 He can belong strongly to one type or have characteristics of different types.\u00a0 When having multiple types, he can switch his dominant type over time with some triggers.<\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Player<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>He dates multiple women and does not commit to one woman<\/li>\n<li>It is a strong status symbol for him to be able to have many sexes and to be desired by women<\/li>\n<li>He has a great career or reputation &#8211; good at putting on an act of being competent<\/li>\n<li>He acts confident around women and knows how to show care for them<\/li>\n<li>He looks down on men who have a limited experience with women<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b>2. Dictator<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>It has to be his way<\/li>\n<li>He frequently speaks in a commanding tone<\/li>\n<li>He often talks down to you or is dismissive of you<\/li>\n<li>He abruptly gets angry when you even slightly disagree with his opinions<\/li>\n<li>He can be physically violent<\/li>\n<li>He strongly believes that he is right<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b>3. Taker<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>He has demands on others, but hates to take others&#8217; demands<\/li>\n<li>He turns to be kind only when he asks for your favor and\/or when you accept his requests<\/li>\n<li>When you reject his requests, he gets grumpy, complains, or gives you a silent treatment<\/li>\n<li>He is persistent in getting his needs met<\/li>\n<li>He displays strong signs of immaturity and selfishness<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b>4. Narcissist<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>He often makes comments indicating that he thinks he is superior or above others<\/li>\n<li>He easily says and does things to hurt other people&#8217;s feeling<\/li>\n<li>He only talks about himself<\/li>\n<li>He lacks empathy<\/li>\n<li>He is kind to others who compliment him while he can be aggressive to those who criticize him<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b>5. Escapee<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>He sometimes ignores or ghosts you<\/li>\n<li>He overly dislikes the feeling of being &#8220;tied down&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>He always values his freedom<\/li>\n<li>He does not share his true feeling<\/li>\n<li>He doesn&#8217;t like deep conversations<\/li>\n<li>He avoids sharing his schedules and plans<\/li>\n<li>He does not like making promises and having commitments<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b>Besides the characteristics described above, we can pay attention to his family background &#8211; Avoidants tend to have grown up in dysfunctional households.<\/b><\/p>\n<div>It is not possible to diagnose a person as an Avoidant with 100% certainty because Avoidance attachment is not a physical ailment such as flu.\u00a0 However, if you can observe multiple Avoidant characteristics as well as finding his family background to be dysfunctional, you can assume a high probability that he is an Avoidant.<\/div>\n<div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>\n<p>Many of my clients and their partners have grown up in dysfunctional households.<\/p>\n<h2><b>Codependency by dating an Avoidant\u00a0<\/b><\/h2>\n<div>When you date an Avoidant, the couple often forms a co-dependent relationship &#8211; a caution for the partner of Avoidants.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Co-dependency = dependent on being dependent, need to be needed.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>You might be &#8220;codependent&#8221; with your Avoidant partner if you feel uncomfortable and dissatisfied when he no longer needs you, while you felt awful and tired of his demands and orders.\u00a0 If you were codependent with him, you would worsen his Avoidant symptoms.<\/div>\n<h2><b>Important to fully understand the Avoidant&#8217;s psychology, not just learn how to act around the Avoidants<\/b><\/h2>\n<div>\n<p>It is difficult to get along with Avoidants.\u00a0 First of all, you may have a limited understanding of the Avoidant attachment style.\u00a0 Additionally, you do not know how to act around them.\u00a0\u00a0Moreover, even if you understand how to act around them, you need to fully understand the &#8220;why&#8221; behind their actions and thoughts.For example, it is the fact that we should not &#8220;direct or order&#8221; Avoidants.\u00a0 However, if you do not know &#8220;why you should not direct or order,&#8221; then you cannot apply the understanding to all the situations.<\/p>\n<p>Please recall your school mathematics.\u00a0 Let&#8217;s say that you memorized 1+1 = 2, without understanding the concept of addition.\u00a0 Then, you cannot solve 2+3, 4+9, or 3+7.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>This applies to &#8220;how to deal with Avoidants&#8221;.\u00a0 If you only memorized some of the correct actions without understanding &#8220;why&#8221;, you cannot maintain a good relationship with him for a long time.\u00a0 It is critical to deeply understand Avoidant psychology.<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>Avoidants may feel strong resistance to actions that normal people do not have many reactions to.\u00a0 Such actions worsen their Avoidant&#8217;s symptoms, and your relationship with the Avoidant gets worse and worse as you interact with him.\u00a0 On the other hand, if you behave correctly, his Avoidant symptoms get softer.<\/p>\n<p>You can make his problematic behaviors worse or softer &#8211; your actions\/reactions have strong impacts.<\/p>\n<p>Please read the articles below &#8211; they are quite important.<\/p>\n<div>\n<p>=&gt;\u00a0\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/messages-from-ex-avoidant-to-who-are-dating-an-avoidant-man\/\">Messages from ex-Avoidant to women who are dating an Avoidant man<\/a><\/p>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Please read below if you truly want to understand and stay with your Avoidant boyfriend<br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div><span style=\"color: #000000;\">=&gt; For those who struggle in a relationship with an Avoidant boyfriend<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is Avoidant attachment? Simply put &#8211; those who avoid building deep connections and emotional closeness in relationships. Avoidants have childhood wounds\/traumas in their households.\u00a0 Thus, while they may well manage shallow relationships, they\u00a0unconsciously avoid deep relationships\u00a0as such closeness stimulates their past wounds. 7 characteristics of Avoidant attachment 1. Having grown up under overprotective parents, &#8230; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":83,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25\/revisions\/83"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}