{"id":32,"date":"2022-07-08T02:24:36","date_gmt":"2022-07-08T02:24:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/?p=32"},"modified":"2022-08-23T02:41:17","modified_gmt":"2022-08-23T02:41:17","slug":"avoidants-6-step-relationship-cycle-explained-by-ex-avoidant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/avoidants-6-step-relationship-cycle-explained-by-ex-avoidant\/","title":{"rendered":"Avoidants’ 6-step relationship cycle explained by ex-Avoidant"},"content":{"rendered":"

There is a 6-step relationship cycle for almost all Avoidants go through when they date their Anxious partner (regardless of who the Anxious partner is). <\/strong><\/p>\n

I, as an ex-Avoidant, would like to explain the 6 steps, sharing my true feelings.<\/strong><\/div>\n

Cycle 1: attracted to Anxious; their low self-worth and obedience<\/h2>\n
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They meet Anxious and get attracted to her. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Avoidants can sense the Anxious girl’s obedience and low self-worth and find her attractive.<\/p>\n

They feel safe and confident as they can take a lead in the relationship with Anxious.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

They are used to the Anxious type as their parents or ex-girlfriends tend to be Anxious.  <\/strong><\/div>\n
They feel safe and enjoy the feeling of “being wanted”.<\/div>\n
It goes both ways – it is not that only Anxious finds Avoidant attractive.<\/div>\n
“I do not feel that I just met her.”<\/div>\n
“Destiny!?”<\/div>\n
They feel a strong attraction.<\/div>\n
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Cycle 2: approach Anxious with one or more following methods<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Avoidants approach Anxious and try to attract her,<\/strong> by displaying power, showing consideration, taking the role of guardian, and\/or acting like a child to play with her maternal instinct.<\/div>\n
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1. Displaying the power<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
Avoidants often consciously or unconsciously seek money and authority.  For men, money and authority are the key status symbols, meaning they gain social leadership.  Also, some try to impress Anxious by being calm and cool.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

2. Caring and considerations<\/p>\n

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Avoidants are good at caring Anxious by, for example, encouraging her and showing a strong interest in her.  Anxious tend to crave attention – Avoidants provide it by displaying a deep interest in her.<\/div>\n
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3. Protecting<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
Avoidants act as a guardian to Anxious.  They make Anxious feel that they are protected and taken care of.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

4. Sweet talks and actions<\/p>\n

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Avoidants give you sweet talks, which are completely out of the norm.  As both Avoidants and Anxious are crazy about each other, he may talk so romantically like in movies.  If Anxious is a caregiver type, he may act cutely to you.<\/div>\n
Using the tactics listed above, Avoidants try to get Anxious (of course, the degree depends on a person).<\/div>\n
Anxious partners also struggle to love themselves.  Thus, they unconsciously look for a Prince Charming who perfectly loves them, saving them from their low self-worth.  Thus, Anxious finds Avoidants very attractive.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Cycle 3: feeling elated as being admired and endeared<\/p>\n

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Avoidants feel elated as Anxious partners admire and depend on them.<\/strong><\/div>\n
Anxious partners have also been looking for partners who perfectly love them, they feel happiest as they feel relieved from their long-term pains.<\/div>\n
With the exception of non-committed players, Avoidants are sincerely attracted to their Anxious partner.  However, this feeling and stage do not last so long.<\/div>\n
Over time, love from Anxious partners starts to stimulate the Avoidant’s fear of closeness and control.  <\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Cycle 4: feeling strong pain as being pressured and controlled<\/p>\n

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The elated feeling is gone – he was once so happy with the fact that she admired and depended on him. <\/strong><\/p>\n

He was also very happy with her motherly devotion and love.  Now, he feels suffocated.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

He now resents her weakness and sweetness that he used to get attracted to.  He views them as pressure and control.<\/div>\n
“I want to see you!”<\/div>\n
“I miss you!”<\/div>\n
Even such innocent comments start to break his heart and annoy him.  He starts to act cold and distant.<\/div>\n
Anxious partner is surprised at his sudden change and coldness, wondering why.<\/div>\n
Avoidants cannot explain it.  He does not even know himself.<\/div>\n
It is coming from his trauma, in which he felt pressured and controlled.<\/div>\n
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How is he feeling inside?<\/h3>\n

It is difficult to verbally describe, but it is something like;<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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