{"id":6,"date":"2022-05-12T08:42:22","date_gmt":"2022-05-12T08:42:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/?p=6"},"modified":"2022-08-23T01:38:53","modified_gmt":"2022-08-23T01:38:53","slug":"messages-from-ex-avoidant-to-who-are-dating-an-avoidant-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/messages-from-ex-avoidant-to-who-are-dating-an-avoidant-man\/","title":{"rendered":"Messages from ex-Avoidant to who are dating an Avoidant man."},"content":{"rendered":"

I am writing the following messages to you who are trying to understand your Avoidant boyfriend’s feelings.\u00a0\u00a0I understand his feeling as well as yours because I used to be both Avoidant and Anxious.
\nYou might be feeling awful because he treated you badly such as abusive comments, disrespect, ignoring\/silent treatments, cheating, bullying, taking money from you, etc.\u00a0 You must have been facing his unloving behaviors towards you.<\/span><\/p>\n

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You might be thinking that “I am the victim.\u00a0 This is all his fault!”.\u00a0 Or, you might be thinking, ‘This is all my fault”.\u00a0 It is very understandable as you are in a tough situation.<\/span><\/p>\n

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However, I would like you to know that Avoidants are also feeling awful – it is not just you.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are reasons behind his problematic behaviors.\u00a0 He is not mistreating you for any reason.<\/span><\/p>\n

I am writing this message so that you understand what is going through in Avoidant minds.\u00a0\u00a0Specific symptoms can differ from an Avoidant to Avoidant, but they share the same trends.<\/span><\/p>\n

I will first explain what Avoidants are and their 2 types of fears; conscious and unconscious fears.\u00a0 I am sharing my honest feelings as an ex-Avoidant, which will help improve your relationship with your Avoidant partner. \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

What is Avoidant attachment?<\/span><\/div>\n
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Simply put – those who avoid building deep connections and emotional closeness in relationships.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Avoidants have childhood wounds\/traumas in their households.\u00a0 Thus, while they may well manage shallow relationships, they unconsciously avoid deep relationships as such closeness stimulates their past wounds.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

7 characteristics of Avoidant attachment<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

1. Having grown up under overprotective parents, he is not good at dealing with strong emotions<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

2. Having grown up under intrusive parents, he is sensitive to controlling behaviors of his own and yours<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
3. He is not good at sharing his vulnerability and true feelings<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
4. He prefers an “easy” relationship and selects a partner who he can easily control<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
5. He is busy focusing on something outside the relationship (e.g., hobby, work)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
6. He feels “suffocated” and “smothered” in intimacy\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
7. He avoids intimate connections at any costs<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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There are 5 types of Avoidants.\u00a0 He can belong strongly to one type or have characteristics of different types.\u00a0 When having multiple types, he can switch his dominant type over time with some triggers.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

1. Player<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n
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  • He dates multiple women and does not commit to one woman<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • It is a strong status symbol for him to be able to have many sexes and to be desired by women<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • He has a great career or reputation – good at putting on an act of being competent\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • He acts confident around women and knows how to show care for them<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  • He looks down on men who have a limited experience with women\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n

    2. Dictator<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
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    • It has to be his way<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
    • He frequently speaks in a commanding tone<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
    • He often talks down to you or is dismissive of you<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
    • He abruptly gets angry when you even slightly disagree with his opinions<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
    • He can be physically violent<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
    • He strongly believes that he is right<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
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      3. Taker<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
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      • He has demands on others, but hates to take others’ demands<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
      • He turns to be kind only when he asks for your favor and\/or when you accept his requests<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
      • When you reject his requests, he gets grumpy, complains, or gives you a silent treatment<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
      • He is persistent in getting his needs met<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
      • He displays strong signs of immaturity and selfishness\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n
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        4. Narcissist<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
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        • He often makes comments indicating that he thinks he is superior or above others<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
        • He easily says and does things to hurt other people’s feeling<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
        • He only talks about himself<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
        • He lacks empathy<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
        • He is kind to others who compliment him while he can be aggressive to those who criticize him\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n
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          5. Escapee<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
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          • He sometimes ignores or ghosts you<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
          • He overly dislikes the feeling of being “tied down”<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
          • He always values his freedom<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
          • He does not share his true feeling<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
          • He does not like deep conversations<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
          • He avoids sharing his schedules and plans<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
          • He does not like making promises and having commitments\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n
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            2 Types of Fears for Avoidants (conscious and unconscious)\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
            Avoidants have 2 types of fears.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            1. Fear for intimacy (conscious)
            \nThe first type of fear for Avoidants is to get intimate.\u00a0 This fear exists at a conscious level, which causes Avoidant symptoms.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            Avoidants, in most cases, acknowledge that they have a fear for intimacy and are not good at building healthy intimate relationships.\u00a0\u00a0They are fine to maintain shallow relationships with some spaces in between, but feel a strong fear of intimacy in romantic relationships.\u00a0 When being in a romantic relationship, they cannot avoid having symptoms of one or more of the 5 types described above.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            You may think that if they are aware of the issues, they should stop doing them.\u00a0 However, they cannot control them – this is why they are “Avoidants”.\u00a0 I used to be an Escapee.\u00a0 When I ghosted my partner, I did feel bad doing it.\u00a0 Although I felt bad, my mental state did not allow me to do otherwise.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            Partners of Avoidants would not at all understand this complication and challenge of Avoidants, simply wondering “why isn’t he contacting back?” (I know this is a normal reaction).\u00a0 I will explain in detail\u00a0later, but the key for partners of Avoidants is to avoid as much as possible pushing a “button” to trigger their fear for intimacy.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            2. Fear for abandonment (unconscious)
            \nThe second type of fear for Avoidants is to get abandoned, which exists at an unconscious level.\u00a0 Thus, only a few Avoidants acknowledge this fear – the majority of them do not even realize having a fear of abandonment.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

            \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            …..<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            We can avoid getting hurt if we never get close to anyone, we never open up our\u00a0hearts to anyone, we carry our fake persona when dealing with people, we focus on destructive hobbies and we make\u00a0ourselves always busy with something.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            By taking these approaches, nobody can cut our hearts deeply.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            However, if we continue to live a shallow life, we never get close to anyone and build intimate and safe relationships.\u00a0 This is what the life of an Escapee looks like.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            Avoidant men commonly choose a woman whom they feel that they can take charge of.\u00a0 These women tend to be submissive, dependent, and feel lonely – those who Avoidant men can easily control.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            Because Avoidant men, deep inside, are very scared of being abandoned, they feel comfortable when they are taking charge and hate and reject the situation a woman is taking a lead.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            You can make his problematic behaviors worse or softer – your actions\/reactions have strong impacts.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

            As mentioned in the beginning, you might be feeling awful because he treated you badly such as abusive comments, disrespect, ignoring\/silent treatments, cheating, bullying, taking money from you, etc..\u00a0\u00a0However, please know that\u00a0you do have a strong impact on his problematic behaviors.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            I will share a part of 11 actions you should avoid when dealing with your Avoidant boyfriend.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            11 actions\u00a0you should avoid dealing with your Avoidant boyfriend\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
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            I will share a partial list of actions that you want to avoid as these actions can hurt or upset him.\u00a0 These actions are the “buttons” to stimulate Avoidants’ wounds and trauma.\u00a0 The more frequently you take such actions, the more you stimulate his wounds and the worse his problematic behaviors would be.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            If you repeatedly take such actions, he might ghost you or break up with you after he gets seriously angry with you.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            This is how he defends and protects his heart – it is very natural for him.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            You also felt awful due to his reactions, but if you want to stay with him, it is critical for you to understand the below.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            1. Direct, Order, Advise<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n

            Avoidants significantly dislike being ordered, directed, or advised.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            Many avoidants grew up in dysfunctional households with\u00a0overprotective and\/or intrusive parents.\u00a0 Their feelings and opinions were often dismissed and ignored.\u00a0 This led them to overly react to directions, orders, and advice.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

            \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            “I recommend you do that”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            “Why don’t you do that?”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            “Please do it, promise?”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            Avoidants feel strong resistance to these comments that normal people do not have many reactions to.\u00a0 Depending on his mood or the way you say it, he may get instantly upset, yell at you and strongly fight back.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            In the past, when my partner casually said “can you bring the tissues over there?”, I felt strong anger, thinking “who are you to order me?!”.\u00a0\u00a0Such an insignificant comment made me angry because my past wounds were stimulated.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            2. Interrogate, ask about his feelings<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
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            “What is he thinking?”\u00a0 Do you want to ask him as you are confused about his true feelings?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

            \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            Avoidants are very scared that others know their true feelings.\u00a0 They do not want others to know their feelings – this is because they got hurt when they shared their true feelings in the past.\u00a0\u00a0When you ask and push to get answers, his first reaction\u00a0can be to switch subjects, ignore you, and\/or try to leave, displaying his discomfort.\u00a0 If you continue to ask, his reaction turns into anger.\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            \nNot to say: “why don’t you reply back?” “why can’t you see me?”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            3. Dumping your emotion<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n

            Avoidants are very bad at dealing with strong emotions.\u00a0 They can get hurt and even feel suffocated.\u00a0 This is again because they\u00a0got hurt in the past when strong emotions were thrown at them – this stimulates their past wounds.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

            \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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            Negative emotions and even positive ones, if very strong, push their “buttons” and can worsen Avoidant symptoms.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            I often hear my clients saying “I had suppressed my frustrations too much and too long and finally exploded at him”.\u00a0 I hear your pains, but you need to communicate appropriately.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            Example: “why don’t you get it!?”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            4. Request<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n

            Avoidants also feel resistance to intense requests, especially the request for more love.\u00a0 Partners of Avoidants are often Anxious who are Codependent and hungry for love, requesting perfect love from Avoidants.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            This stimulates Avoidants’ past trauma.\u00a0 They get scared and urge to run away.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            Examples: “I want to see you soon” “I want to hear your voice more frequently”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            5. Ask for a promise\/commitment<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n

            Avoidants, not necessarily all of them, are not good at making promises and having commitment.\u00a0\u00a0They take commitment as if they are deprived of their freedom.\u00a0 They negatively overact, feeling that you are too possessive.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

            \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            Their mind tends to be extreme, all or nothing.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            6 to 11. Limited release<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            I am sharing 6 to 11 only for those who seriously want to improve their relationship with an Avoidant partner.\u00a0\u00a0This information is rarely shared on websites, thus this is under the limited release.
            \n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

            \n=>If you seriously want to improve your relationship with an Avoidant partner.
            \n“Check”: please check how many behaviors above apply to you.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

            \nI only share 1 to 5 here (apologies that I cannot share all of them).\u00a0 How many behaviors apply to you?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>I assume that you can relate to some of the actions above.\u00a0 Almost all of my clients have taken more than 2 actions.\u00a0 When they discover all 11 actions, they admit that they have done more than half of the 11 actions.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>Some of you might blame yourself, but please do not worry.\u00a0 You could not help it as you did not have the proper\u00a0knowledge.\u00a0\u00a0If you will be more conscious and careful moving forward, you can start to deal with your Avoidant partner much better. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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            How to deal with an Avoidant partner<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
            Do not order<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            Do not interrogate<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            Do not dump your emotion<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            Do not overly ask for love\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            Do not make a promise<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            These are what you need to avoid so that you do not make his problematic behaviors worse.\u00a0\u00a0Again, please do not think that I am blaming you, only you.\u00a0 He is also pushing your “buttons” to make you feel anxious.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            That said, if you take such actions described above, his Avoidant symptoms get worse.\u00a0 If you want him to stop\/minimize his Avoidant behaviors, you can manage your behaviors\/actions to impact his behaviors.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            Avoidants know that they are weak.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            As an ex-Avoidant, I can share how I felt.\u00a0 To be clear, Avoidants are mentally very immature and Avoidants know that.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            Despite his arrogant moves, you might have sensed that “he is, in fact, insecure and has low self-esteem”.\u00a0 You are correct.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

            Some Avoidants, not all, even realize that they need to face their “Avoidant” issues, but cannot face them and continue to “avoid” the challenge.\u00a0\u00a0They cannot show their true self because they believe that they won’t be loved as they are too weak and sensitive.\u00a0 Equally to Anxious and Co-dependent, Avoidants also feel unlovable, have low self-esteem, and fear of abandonment.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            I am sharing a digital article below, which explains all 11 actions you should not take against your Avoidant boyfriend.\u00a0 It also talks about the Avoidant attachment style, how to deal with Avoidants and the characteristics and minds of 5 types of Avoidants in depth.
            \nThere are more contents about relationships with Avoidants that you can rarely find online.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
            Please read if you were to stay with your Avoidant boyfriend moving forward.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            => Textbook: how to deal with an Avoidant, with a deep understanding of Avoidants<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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            Summary
            \n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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            • Avoidant characteristics and checklist – please assess your boyfriend\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
            • Avoidants have 2 types of fears.\u00a0 They often recognize their fear for intimacy and their inability to build close relationships.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
            • It is hard for avoidants to recognize their fear of abandonment as it is at an unconscious level.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
            • You can make his problematic behaviors worse or softer – your actions\/reactions have strong impacts.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
            • The more you take 11 “not-to-do” actions, the worse his problematic behaviors would be.\u00a0 If you repeatedly do it, he might ghost you or break up with you after he gets seriously angry with you.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
            • Partners of Avoidants should self-check and avoid making Avoidants’ behaviors worse.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
            • As it is also important to understand the limited release section, if you were to stay with him, please read the article.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n
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              Other Avoidant related articles
              \n=> 3 Must-read articles for Avoidant attachment styles<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

              Please read below if you truly want to understand and stay with your Avoidant boyfriend<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

              => For those who struggle in a relationship with an Avoidant boyfriend<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

              I am writing the following messages to you who are trying to understand your Avoidant boyfriend’s feelings.\u00a0\u00a0I understand his feeling as well as yours because I used to be both Avoidant and Anxious. You might be feeling awful because he treated you badly such as abusive comments, disrespect, ignoring\/silent treatments, cheating, bullying, taking money from … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":78,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6\/revisions\/78"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}