{"id":60,"date":"2022-08-07T01:15:28","date_gmt":"2022-08-07T01:15:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/?p=60"},"modified":"2022-08-23T00:36:47","modified_gmt":"2022-08-23T00:36:47","slug":"4-incorrect-ways-to-deal-with-anxious-attachment-and-proper-ways-to-treat-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/4-incorrect-ways-to-deal-with-anxious-attachment-and-proper-ways-to-treat-it\/","title":{"rendered":"4 incorrect ways to deal with Anxious attachment and proper ways to treat it"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is Shireno, a counselor for Avoidant and Anxious attachment\u00a0styles.<\/p>\n

Some sites are sharing “incorrect” ways to treat an Anxious attachment style.\u00a0 if you use the incorrect ways, you cannot treat what can be treated.\u00a0 Thus, I would like to share both incorrect ways to deal with Anxious attachment and proper ways to treat it.\u00a0
\n<\/b><\/p>\n

\n

Wrong method 1: Love yourself (be confident with yourself)<\/h2>\n

Many people say that loving yourself and being confident with yourself are the ways to treat an Anxious attachment style.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Even some psychologists and relationship specialists recommend so.<\/div>\n
It is true that Anxious people commonly have low self-esteem.\u00a0 Thus, it is not a completely wrong solution, but they do not really understand Anxious attachment.<\/div>\n
Because you cannot love yourself even though you are recommended to do\u00a0so, you are Anxious.<\/div>\n
Because you are not able to be confident with yourself even though you are recommended to do so, you are Anxious.<\/div>\n
Because you are struggling to love yourself and be confident with yourself, you depend on your relationship and partner.<\/div>\n
Moreover, by being told that you need to love yourself, you feel that you are failing on it and thus end up having further lower self-esteem.<\/div>\n
It is critical to have healthy self-worth in the end, but that is not the first step for Anxious.<\/div>\n
You need to follow certain “steps” and finally reach a place\u00a0of loving yourself (I will explain the steps later).<\/div>\n
So, stop the effort to love yourself for now.\u00a0 This is a very sensitive\u00a0process that you need to be aware\u00a0of.<\/div>\n
MEMO<\/b><\/div>\n
Because you cannot love yourself even though you are recommended to do\u00a0so, you are Anxious.<\/strong><\/div>\n
It is critical to reaching a place of loving yourself, but it comes later.<\/div>\n
If you follow the wrong order, you will fail.<\/div>\n
\n

Wrong method 2: Focus on other things such as work or hobbies<\/h2>\n

You hear people saying “focus on other things such as work or hobbies”.\u00a0 The idea is that because you put too much effort only into relationships, you diversify\u00a0your energy to\u00a0other things.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

This helps you improve if your situation is a short-term sadness or you have a very light Anxious attachment.\u00a0 It is not negative to have work or hobbies as people tend to think too much when they have too much free time.<\/div>\n
However, this is NOT a way to fundamentally treat Anxious attachment.\u00a0 For those who have a heavy Anxious attachment, this is just a “stopgap.”<\/div>\n
It is to avoid facing the reality and true issue.<\/div>\n
As the fundamental issue of Anxious attachment has not been solved, you may not feel the symptoms in the short term, but will see the issues coming back.<\/div>\n
Thus, this is not the fundamental treatment.<\/div>\n
MEMO<\/b><\/div>\n
It is not negative to have work or hobbies as people tend to think too much when they have too much free time.<\/strong><\/div>\n
This helps you improve if you have a very light Anxious attachment.\u00a0 For those with a heavy Anxious attachment, this is just a “stopgap.”<\/strong><\/div>\n
\n

Wrong method 3: Spend more time with your girlfriends<\/h2>\n

This is also commonly recommended.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Again, it helps you improve if your situation is a short-term sadness or you have a very light Anxious attachment.<\/div>\n
However, this is a way to recover from lost love for those with a healthy attachment\u00a0style.\u00a0 For those with a heavy Anxious attachment, this is just a “stopgap.”<\/div>\n
Also, your friends who have limited knowledge of this subject matter may simply tell\u00a0you “forget it, break up with him!”.<\/div>\n
This may push you to backlash against that comment and end up in worsening Anxious symptoms.<\/div>\n
As the fundamental issue of Anxious attachment has not been solved, there would be nothing much to improve.<\/div>\n
MEMO<\/b><\/div>\n
This is not a treatment, but a way to recover from lost love for those with a healthy attachment\u00a0style.\u00a0<\/strong><\/div>\n
\n

It is a “stopgap” if we do not face the fundamental issues.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Wrong method 4: Depend on things like horoscopes, religion or spirituality and run away from reality<\/h2>\n

The first 3 methods are not completely\u00a0unhealthy for Anxious attachment.\u00a0 Even if you use all the 3 methods, negative impacts are limited, and you can still recover from Anxious attachment and have a happy relationship\/marriage.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

However, if you get deeply involved with horoscopes, religion or spirituality, running away from reality, recovery from Anxious attachment is going to be extremely difficult.<\/div>\n
When Anxious people get deeply involved with them, they may face a life-long danger.\u00a0 If people with a healthy attachment style are involved with only one of them, it may not be too serious.\u00a0 However, if Anxious people deal with them, it is very risky.\u00a0 It can create heavy dependencies such as gambling and alcohol.<\/div>\n
This topic requires a long explanation, which I avoid for now.\u00a0 However, please remember that Anxious attachment AND the imaginary world are the worst combinations.<\/div>\n
It is sad to\u00a0observe that Anxious people, especially when they want to get back with an ex-partner, tend to run away from reality and get heavily involved with the imaginary world.\u00a0 I have met Anxious clients who come to me after losing thousands of money.<\/div>\n
This is simply a replacement of dependencies and running away from reality.\u00a0 As the fundamental issues are not solved, there would be nothing to improve.<\/div>\n
Anxious attachment can be treated and its symptoms can be improved within a few months.\u00a0 However, if you are involved in the imaginary world, you will need at least a few years.<\/div>\n
MEMO<\/b><\/div>\n
This is simply a replacement of dependencies and running away from reality.<\/strong><\/div>\n
This creates negative impacts and pushes you to a longer path to recovery.<\/strong><\/div>\n
You may lose money and important people in your life.<\/strong><\/div>\n
\n

\u00a0The proper way: develop healthy self-worth<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
Now, let’s talk about how to fundamentally\u00a0treat Anxious attachment.<\/div>\n
That is to increase your self-esteem and develop healthy self-worth.\u00a0 This is it.<\/div>\n
\u00a0However, you will fail without preparation as I described in method 1.<\/div>\n
This is because Anxious people are “cursed” to be unhappy and lack self-worth.<\/div>\n
\n

When you are “cursed” to be unhappy, you cannot increase your self-worth<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
\n
When you are “cursed”, tricks or techniques will do nothing for you.\u00a0 It is ineffective.<\/div>\n
You may feel better here and there, but it is short-lived.<\/div>\n
Please imagine that you try to accelerate while hitting a brake.\u00a0 You will not move a bit.<\/div>\n
It is the same thing.\u00a0 When you are “cursed” to be unhappy, you cannot build self-worth.<\/div>\n
\n

What is the “curse” to be\u00a0unhappy?\u00a0 Who has them?\u00a0 How can we detect them?<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
It is easy to detect those who have the “curse” to be unhappy.<\/div>\n
“I can’t love myself”<\/div>\n
“I can’t be happy”<\/div>\n
You are firmly convinced with your thoughts.\u00a0 That’s it.<\/div>\n
Fear of abandonment among Anxious people is a part of the “curse”.<\/div>\n
\n

Once you release the curse, you can increase your self-worth<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Please see the following process.<\/div>\n
1.\u00a0 \u00a0Release the “curse” as it is stopping you from developing healthy self-worth<\/div>\n
2.\u00a0 \u00a0Develop healthy self-worth<\/div>\n
3.\u00a0 \u00a0Treat Anxious attachment and have a healthy relationship<\/div>\n
As you release the “curse”, you can build self-worth, thus you can treat Anxious attachment.<\/div>\n
I have made a digital book, which summarizes the detailed process of releasing the curse.\u00a0<\/b><\/div>\n
It took me over 2 months.\u00a0 It includes the proven process that worked for my female clients.<\/div>\n
It talks about the fundamental dynamic of the Anxious attachment style.<\/div>\n
This is for only those who seriously want to improve your Anxious attachment\u00a0style.<\/span>
\n=> 3 Steps to treat Anxious attachment – 37 tools to have a happy relationship<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n

Summary<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
I have shared the 4 commonly mentioned “incorrect ways” to treat the Anxious attachment style.<\/div>\n
The first 3 methods are not completely\u00a0unhealthy for Anxious attachment.\u00a0 Even if you use all the 3 methods, negative impacts are limited.\u00a0 Everyone goes through these passes – please do not worry.<\/div>\n
However, method 4, running to the imaginary world, is very risky.\u00a0 Recovery from Anxious attachment is going to be extremely difficult.<\/div>\n
Fundamentally\u00a0treating Anxious attachment is to increase your self-esteem and develop healthy self-worth.<\/div>\n
\n
However, you will fail without preparation.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Once you release the “curse” to be unhappy, you can build self-worth, thus you can treat Anxious attachment.<\/div>\n
=> 3 Steps to treat Anxious attachment – 37 tools to have a happy relationship<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is Shireno, a counselor for Avoidant and Anxious attachment\u00a0styles. Some sites are sharing “incorrect” ways to treat an Anxious attachment style.\u00a0 if you use the incorrect ways, you cannot treat what can be treated.\u00a0 Thus, I would like to share both incorrect ways to deal with Anxious attachment and proper ways to treat it.\u00a0 … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":73,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=60"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":65,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60\/revisions\/65"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/73"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=60"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=60"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shireno.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=60"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}